I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints...

"Behold, thus saith the Lord God: When the day cometh that they shall believe in me, that I am Christ, then have I covenanted with their fathers that they shall be restored in the flesh, upon the earth, unto the lands of their inheritance. And it shall come to pass that they shall be gathered in from their long dispersion..."
So...I realize I left a lot of you out there hanging. "Did he get baptized? it's been like four weeks, what the heck happened!?"
Well, I went in and met with the Stake President. (the ecclesiastical leader overseeing my progression)  We sat down and he opened a folder and began to ask me questions.
"Do you believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in His son, Jesus Christ?" My heart leapt and I started to feel a small sliver of hope, but stopped just in case what I thought was happening might not ACTUALLY be what was happening. I answered with a heartfelt and a sincere, "yes!" He moved to the next question; and the next question; and the next. Each question brought on a different part of my journey. Did I believe we have a prophet on the Earth today? What did this mean to me? I thought about Moses, Adam, and Noah. All of the greats! Then I smiled at the thought that I believe, and know with a surety, that we have a Moses, an Adam, a Noah still on the Earth today. God used prophets anciently to declare His word and if God is the same yesterday, today, and forever then why wouldn't  He still speak to us through a prophet? We have that prophet, Thomas S. Monson, and I sustain him and follow his word, knowing it is the word of God. What do I know of the Word of Wisdom? Was I willing to follow this? I thought back to when I decided to stop drinking coffee and tea, even though I didn't understand why, and the resulting health benefits I received from following what God asked. I think about how I stopped watching movies or listening to songs that filled my body with unhealthy garbage; things that were not good for me. "Yes! I'm willing to live this way." I was asked about what I had learned from the first principles of the gospel, faith in Jesus Christ and repentance. I'm STILL learning what that means to me. Faith in Jesus Christ has to be there, otherwise I will have no belief that I could repent. I would not be able to feel forgiven or cleansed if I didn't first have faith that Christ was an actual man, but more than that, that Christ wasn't JUST a man, but a God also; A God who suffered for my sins and died for me. Did that happen? Is it merely a nice story to make us feel better? No, I do not think this is mere fairy tale. Yes, this actually happened. I know that it did. I don't fully understand it, but I know in my heart that Christ is real and so is the grace He offers me. I feel it. I can not write it in words or speak it to you. You have to feel it. That's the only way. I feel it. I know it because of those feelings. He then asked, "do you feel you have been forgiven?" ...Something I had been struggling with for years. Am I forgiven? I have done so very many dark and unclean things in the last 8 years...I have done terrible, saddening, sickening, horrifying things. But were these things UN-forgivable? Or could I really, truly, believe that Christ's atonement was strong enough to seriously cleanse me of these atrocities I had committed? I had been telling myself for months and years that I could not be forgiven. I had not suffered enough. The things I had done were too evil and surely God required more suffering on my part. But...in this moment...when asked, "do you feel you have been forgiven?" A voice from somewhere inside of me said, "yes." The words left my mouth and I began to cry. Joy overcame me. The stake president then read a letter from the Prophet and the apostles of the church... Indeed, I had been forgiven. I was accepted for baptism into the Church of Jesus Christ. I sobbed for a few moments, overcome with the emotions of  a spared soul, a man who had been snatched from a death sentence and had been pardoned. How? How do I deserve this? How am I offered such a blessing? How is this done? To this very day, I don't understand. I don't understand that kind of forgiveness and love. But I felt the voice whisper, "Brent, believe. Believe. You are clean. This is truth."  On March 6, 2016 I entered the waters of baptism. I actually don't remember a whole lot of that day because it was quite a lot to take in! One thing I do remember was looking into the font of water in which I would soon enter...and sobbing; the tears of a broken man who would soon be clean again and accepted into Christ's church... the church I had, for so many years, tried desperately to become a part of again. I think about this today. I was broken. I had to piece myself together. With God's help, piece by piece, I was put back together. I can see each of these pieces like a shattered vase. Each beautiful piece being placed back together. In one piece I can see my family (moving back in with my parents, gospel talks with my uncle, finding out about cousins who had fasted for me, my grandmothers telling me of their silent prayers for me, my sisters' words of affirmations along the way) In another piece I see my friends (Patrick and Kiera being there for me at institute when I first started coming back to church, Erin and Haley who took the time to befriend a sinner and love someone who I  thought was unloveable, Angel and Octavious and Taylor who befriended me at Volleyball when I was terrified to meet new people at church,  Sarah and Crystal and Brett and Herb and Tori and Jessica and Bryan and Kara and David and Zach ((and if I'm missing someone I'm so sorry)) who came and visited me at work and shocked me because I didn't understand why anyone would come see me at work. They talked with me at church, they have stayed with me, they supported me, they spoke of uplifting things and helped answer my questions. They provided me with a safe place to go and feel peace.) Another piece I see is prayer (nights that I did not sleep because I was up pleading and crying and begging my Father for help and forgiveness. Days where I needed prayer at every moment to get me through the day) In another piece is deleting my old Facebook and starting anew. Another piece: changing my phone number to move away from those who reminded me of my past life....a life I no longer wanted to remember. Yet another piece, meeting with a therapist to help me put my new life in order and sort out the mistakes of the past. Truly, many more pieces could be added and most of them are very private, very scary, very glorious, very spiritual, very heartbreaking, but very helping pieces of this glorious vessel that makes up me. I still have to wait for the glue to dry and I continually need to be placed back in the refiner's fire, but I am becoming a beautiful work of art thanks to my God and my Savior. This blog is not done, because every day I am converted to the Lord. I will continue to share struggles and successes on this road that still is leading me back to my Father in Heaven and to my Brother, Jesus Christ. But I did want to say how truly grateful I am for the miracle of the atonement of Jesus Christ. I kneel in amazement. I think about how Moses parted the red sea and I think, 'wow that's an amazing miracle...but guess what God did for ME! Now THAT'S a miracle!' It really is. There are those who might say, 'that's great that he could change his life around, but God and Jesus had nothing to do with it. It's just the story of a determined individual who made changes in his life and came out the other end a better man' and to them I would say, simply, 'you are wrong.' God and Jesus Christ had EVERYTHING to do with this change in my life. I could not be this person I am; I could not have made the necessary changes I needed to make; indeed I CAN NOT be anything without my God and my Lord. "Jesus saith unto him, 'I am the way, the truth and the life.' I love them. I need them. I praise them.


"...Seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; and have put on the new man, which is renewed in the knowledge after the image of him that created him...put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering...and above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful."

I am so thankful for my God. I am thankful for Jesus. I am thankful even, for this long journey back; the good times, but also the hard times on this road. It has all made me who I am today and I look forward to the journey ahead!