Stand in the Light...

"But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin." - Bible; 1 John chapter 1, verse 7. I only recently have begun to understand the light. I believe in opposition as a means of teaching us and to understand the light, one must understand the darkness. Think back on your life. Are you proud of every moment? Are there moments you regret? Are there moments you wish never happened? Are there times in your life when you couldn't breathe from laughing so hard? Are there times when you couldn't see from the tears of sadness, or tears of joy? I think it's safe to say that we all have been in desperate times. We have all had joyful and wonderful times. We have all been at that place where we are frightened by the person that we see staring back at us in the mirror or, in my case, by the person we are viewing in what feels like a very real out-of-body experience. I have had moments, on my road back, where the memory of those things I did in my past life are quite literally too much for me to handle and I have to pray, take a nap, or just cry until I couldn't feel anymore; until the fear and the pain went away. I have had times where I just had no idea what to do or where to go. It's not a good feeling. I don't need to tell you this, though. Each one of us can look at some point in our life with shame, fear, regret, or unhappiness. It would be foolish of us to think that we are always happy and that we all live perfect lives. My mom and dad have some friends that, to me, are the epitome of perfection. They couldn't be a more spiritual family if they tried. I often pattern my choices and the decisions I make based on the question "what would the Hyers do?" (I'm working on that whole "what would Jesus do" thing, but that is a perfection that is equally as difficult to live up to as this family's!) A few years back, this family lost a son. There life was no longer perfect. (though, I'm sure they will tell you that it was imperfect before) They had a trial and they had a time of darkness. I look at them now and they are still just as amazing as they have ever been; full of faith and love for God. I can not imagine the kind of strength, faith, and eternal perspective that this family must have had to have. The mother of this boy is a constant joy. She is happy, still full of faith, and lifts others up simply with her presence. My mother once asked her how she did it. "How can you be so full of joy with such hardships?" This mother said "it's because of the atonement." It's because of Christ. I thought I understood what that meant. I still don't fully understand it perfectly, but I'm grateful I get to learn more about it with every struggle that I have. I don't like to think of life as "why do bad things happen to good people?" I don't think that is how God sees it. I think God sees it as, "how can the good people gain more good?" We gain goodness through hard times. If we didn't feel the sting of sadness or the pain of unhappiness, we would never appreciate or value the joy from gladness or the peace from happiness. If you were given a test with all the answers, how much would you learn? I'm going to guess that it would be little to nothing. If we are given a test and then allowed to do it on our own we would learn a lot more. The great thing is, God doesn't put us here and then give us a test without first giving us knowledge to pass the test. Sometimes, though, the real knowledge isn't gained until after the test and that is the hardest thing to understand. I could not see a way out during my test. But the knowledge I have gained has helped me in any future exams to be given. Where does "the light" come into all of this? Christ is mentioned as being "the light" quite often in the scriptures. I have been able to apply this light so much more now. Here's how. (hopefully I can make sense. I don't know that you will read this and think "OH! Okay, I understand exactly what the light of Christ is now!" but hopefully I can get you started on learning more about it.) So, during this journey back into the church, I studied about Christ. Christ took upon him all of our sins. All of them. He has paid for them. He has taken care of them. The fact that he did that for someone so stupid and imperfect as me, is just overwhelming to think about. It's like owing your father a hundred dollars and your brother pays it to your dad for you and you don't have to pay it back. ever. All you have to do is love your brother (which is easy when he's done something that nice for you) and do your best. The amazing thing is, we all keep owing more and more to our father. One hundred dollars becomes five hundred because we bought something we couldn't afford or we bet on something that we thought was a sure thing and turned out being a mistake. That five hundred becomes a thousand dollars when we try and move out and buy a place well beyond what we can afford, but we think "It's okay, I have this all planned out and I will get the money later" and that never happens. We continue to make monetary mistakes; some big, most of them small but in great numbers, until the debt seems too high to ever repay. Our brother paid it already. I have the image of someone, sitting in a dark room, millions of dollars owing, and not a hope in sight and then getting a phone call from dad "son, don't worry about it, your brother took care of it." How much light would then be brought into that dark place. How much love would we have for our brother. Jesus took care of me. He, as close to literally as possible, picked me up and carried me out of that terrifying, hopeless, and dark place and set me on a path filled with light and endless possibilities. I owe him big time! All that Christ wants from me, all he wants from any of us, is to just walk in the light and not step back into that darkness again. It would be so foolish of us to go back into that dark room when there is a room filled with light, good friends, happy family members, and joyful times. Why on earth would we choose that dark room? Because we are human. And maybe because we feel like we deserve the dark room. We have lived in it for so long that it has become a place, the only place, we feel we belong or deserve. Don't do that to yourself! Please, please don't think that you are only as good as a darkened room. You have all the potential in the world to stand in the room, lighted by Christ, where all of the truly good things are. You belong there. "but I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins...oh, thought I, that I could become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God...while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, I remembered one Jesus Christ...now as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me...and now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. and oh, what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain..." (Book of Mormon; Alma chapter 36 verses 12, 15, and 17-20) Christ is light and all that he gives is light. We can be lights as well: "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Bible; Matthew chapter 5 verse 16) You can be that light that others feed off of as one way out of the darkness, but you can only be a light for someone else if you understand the source of your light and the true source of all light: the Son.