The Pure Love of Christ...

So, I've decided upon something. And it may just be me, but Christmas, for a single person in their 30's, has become somewhat of what Valentine's Day is to a single person in their 30's. I don't know if it's because Christmas time brings feelings of goodwill towards all man or if it's just the mistletoe getting people into the "Christmas spirit", but whatever it is, it is hard for those who are lonely at Christmas. I'll be honest, I really didn't think too much about this until I was listening to 'Holiday Made for two' by Dave Barnes (good song, but also depressing if you are alone) and as I was listening to the song I thought, 'you know, this holiday really would be a sad holiday if you didn't have anyone to love you. This got me thinking about love. I have been single now for...awhile, and for the last few months I had been really pretty down and depressed. Some days were okay, some days I dragged myself along. Nights were almost always bad as I would get ready for bed, sometimes pray, and then cry until I fell asleep. A lot of my sadness had to do with a particular guy that I am attracted to and have feelings for who doesn't reciprocate. In order to make myself 'feel better' I would think to myself, 'one day, you will find a wife and she will reciprocate those feelings and you will be so happy.' Does anyone else see the problem with that pattern of thinking. It's subtle so you may have missed it, but it's the reason I was still crying at night and still barely making it through some days. 'ONE DAY, you will find a wife that and she will reciprocate those feelings and YOU WILL BE SO HAPPY'.... 'One day....you will be so happy.' I began to realize the problem with this thought when my dad said, "why do you feel like you need someone else to make you happy?" I didn't have an answer at the time, but my therapist told me something really great. (yes, I see a therapist. In this world we are living in, who wouldn't!?) He asked me, "what is the only thing you are not getting that you would get with a wife?" to which I responded, "a physical relationship." "No, sex is the only thing you are not getting. You are getting a physical relationship when you hug someone, when a friend pats you on the back, or when one of your nieces or nephews gives you a kiss" That never occurred to me before. I think we have the thought in our minds that sex is the only form of a physical relationship. A physical relationship is so much more than that. As humans, I think maybe we all need some contact in our lives. We need to connect and some times, we need that connection to be physical. Girls seem to need that physical connection more often (hence why girls hug each other all the time and guys are usually like, "nah, I'm good bro") Why do we need that connection? Well, it brings me back to love. My therapist said something to me that I've used as kind of a personal mantra of sorts for the last few weeks; "you need to accept the love that you are given as enough." Here's what that means. I have a friend who is amazing...well...I have lots of friends who are amazing, but this one particular girl is super amazing! She and I get along so well. She lifts me up when I'm down, she cares for everyone, and she is always positive despite the trials she has to deal with in her own life. Also, we are perfect for each other. My mom, and about 20 other people, have said 'well, then why don't you just marry her?!' The thing is, we aren't "feeling it" for each other. She's great and, for whatever strange reason, she thinks I'm great. But there's no...spark? No...umph? Call it what you will, we don't have it, despite all the other many great things we have in our relationship. This got me thinking, "why don't we just get married. I may never get the chance again. Maybe in a few years that attraction or spark or that feeling of kismet will just appear." Then I remembered the advice from my therapist. This girl loves me. I love her. The love that we have for each other should be enough. If we don't want to get married, then don't get married!! Enjoy the love and friendship that you share and that love is enough. Then, in the future, maybe a girl will come along that you will think, "ah, okay HERE'S the girl I'm supposed to marry." Then again, maybe not. But until this girl does or does not appear in your life, you have a lot of really good people in your life to keep you happy and keep you feeling loved. Then I focused that advice towards that unattainable guy. We are friends. We spend time together. I love him and, again for whatever weird reason, he loves me. He will never be more than a really great friend...and that love; that relationship should be enough. That has made all the difference. It's still difficult because I still find him attractive and want to sabotage every possible future relationship he will ever be in (I'm MOSTLY just kidding!) but I would rather have an amazing friendship where we can laugh and enjoy being around each other, than to have no relationship at all. (Some of you might think that is the definition of insanity and that I'm just willingly stepping on my heart every time we are together...maybe you're right and we'll see what happens in the future, but this is what is working right now and what is working for me so I'm going to keep on this course...okay, just had to get that bit in there...moving on...) So, why is this post on my 'Converted to the Lord' blog? Because in all of our lives, especially at Christmas, there is one love and one relationship that goes above and beyond all others: Jesus Christ. His love is more deep and more powerful than any love we can know with a co-worker, a friend, or even a parent or a spouse. This guy that I'm attracted to won't give me the world or take a bullet for me to show his undying love. Jesus Christ LITERALLY gave me the world. He created it for me. He gave it to me to live on and to have to use however my agency lets me. Jesus Christ LITERALLY died for me. No, he did not take a bullet for me...his pain and his suffering for me was much worse than that. Christ did these things for me, because he loves me. He loves me more than I can possibly comprehend. God loves me too. He has shown He loves me by placing me into a family and by providing me with friends, a good job, a wonderful spirit, and an amazing plan centered on my happiness. God also sent me His son to die for me. God and Jesus Christ did that...for me! I can not imagine why, but I would imagine it is a similar love to that which I have for my parents who I show love for by listening to their counsel and advice. It is probably a similar love to the love that I have for my friends who I show love to by listening to their troubles, their fears, their sadness and then offering a hug, a listening ear, or a kind word. "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:17-19) When we fill our hearts with love, we begin to understand, maybe only in the smallest part, the love that Christ has for us. I know there are a lot of you out there this Christmas season crying inside when you see couples ice-skating in the park. There are those of you out there who are praying for a boyfriend or a girlfriend who you can kiss under the mistletoe or hold hands with when it gets cold outside. There are those who can relate with me to the words, 'Santa, all I want for Christmas is a man! (or a woman!) wrapped and packaged underneath my tree!' My advice to you: love. Go ice-skating with your best friend. Take your brother or sister out for hot chocolate and ask how they are doing, (both of my sisters are going to mention this to me, I guarantee it...) Sing a Christmas Carol to your boss, your grandma, or your neighbor. You do not need a boyfriend to make you smile. You do not need a girlfriend in order to receive a really good hug. You do not need a husband or a wife in order to share kindness and spread cheer. You do need Christ. Everyone needs Christ. His love will fill you with love and that love will be shared with others who maybe aren't feeling Christ's love or have forgotten what his love feels like in thier life. That's what Christmas is. It's not presents, it is not Santa, or candy canes, or watching 'Elf' 186 times. Christmas is about Christ. It's about loving others and, really, who doesn't need love? I love my Savior, my brother, and my very best friend, Jesus Christ. I'm so glad that He loves me too. And I love each and every one of you who are reading this. Please let the love I have for you be enough, but more importantly, let Christ's love be enough. Merry Christmas. :) "For God so loved the world , that he gave his only begotten Son , that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." (John 3:16)