Finding Peace and Love in Christ.

I watched a movie last night about a girl who meets a guy and they fall in love. I don't know if you've ever seen that one, but...they end up together and spend the rest of their lives together and are blissfully happy together. I don't know why I do that to myself. Why I watch sappy, romantic comedies. I end up feeling like the funny best friend in the movie who is single and no one cares whether or not they end up with someone because they are just the funny friend. Just so you know, even the funny friend gets lonely sometimes. I felt particularly lonely last night. I don't know why that happens. It is not every day and it doesn't last too long, but sometimes I just get lonely. My mom always says, "if you ever feel lonely, talk to me! Call a friend to go do something! You have so many people who love you!" My mom is wonderful. And she's right, I do have a lot of love and support in my life. But when the dinner with friends is over, when the movie is over and my parents go to bed, when my shift ends at work and I go home, I still get into bed alone. I haven't kissed anyone (aside from my nieces and nephews, but that's different!) in a little under a year. I haven't been held in someone's arms in...I can't remember the last time, and Checkers, my build-a-bear turtle, was the last one that I hugged and cuddled with. I know it might sound stupid, but it really isn't to those of us who are dealing with it. I feel sorry for myself, but then I think of my grandmothers who both lost their husbands and have been alone for years. I think of those women whose husbands leave them and now they are alone and have to find courage to start over or finish this life alone. I think about all the other single people out there who worry that they are too picky or are too old or aren't pretty enough or might just never find that one person to love them and that they can love. On particularly rough nights, I do actually cry and then squeeze Checkers really tight and wait for the light of day to make things better. It always seems to be better in the morning; in the light. I think about Christ, the Light of the world. Who was with him in the end? When he was in Gethsemane suffering more than anyone can comprehend, his apostles (his friends) were asleep. Even His Father, God, let Christ suffer utterly alone. Being single and lonely, I feel for my grandmothers. I want to give all the widows a hug, a big hug and say "yea, this sucks, I know, but here's a hug to help you feel better for even 2 minutes." Christ says in St. John chapter 14; verse 18 "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you" And I believe that. Why would Christ, who also had to be alone, turn away the lonely? He will not; He knows how awful it is and how terrible it feels. He gives me hugs everyday. "yea, this sucks, I know, but here's a loving mother to help you feel better for 1 hour at lunch. Here's a great job with smiling, wonderful friends to help you feel better for 6 to 8 hours at work. Here's a friend to make you feel better for 2 minutes with an uplifting text message" God loves me and, through His son, Jesus Christ, He finds ways to make me feel not so alone. Okay, so I haven't been ROMANTICALLY kissed in a year, but I got to kiss my niece's cheeks and she didn't even mind...too much! Yea, I haven't been held in someone's arms physically. But I feel the arms of God's love envelop me and give me peace and strength to make it through another day. You know, there have been stories of strong men and women throughout history. Pioneers who crossed the plains and gave up everything they owned in hopes of a better tomorrow; ancestors who set sail in search of freedom of religion; and men and women who built up civilizations and places of worship where swamps and deserts once were. But I like to think of those powerful people of strength who still exist today. Men who quit their jobs or who are denied promotions because they simply refuse to smoke or drink with their associates after work; women who beat cancer or who have suffered through it with dignity and optimism until they were brought back to rest with their Father in Heaven; men who give up the chance for a seemingly happy relationship with another man so that they can follow God's plan for ETERNAL families and LASTING happiness with a wife and children (a wife and children who may not come in this life, but in the life after); and women who maintain strength after leaving an abusive relationship to start anew with their children hoping that they may one day find a man who will love them and their child and can look past the baggage of their past to a more wonderful future (even though that man may never come until much later in their life) We all have strength. I look to you in these situations and in each person I come into contact with as examples of faith, courage, hope, optimism, long suffering, and kindness. I'm so grateful that you have suffered too. "Is not this God's purpose in causing his children to suffer? He wants them to become more like himself. God has suffered far more than man ever did or ever will, and is therefore the great source of sympathy and consolation." (-Orson F. Whitney) I'm grateful because it lets me know that I'm not the only one; that there are those to whom I can go for advice, counsel, comforting, and love. My problem is I never do. If someone asks me if I'm okay, I will always say "yes." Always. Because I am okay...mostly. I'm prideful. I do not ask for help. I will not ask for help. There are many who are far worse off than I am who actually need the help and I'm fine. I can take care of myself. It's amazing how I can feel so lonely at times and yet still be so fiercely independent. I HATE asking for help or burdening others with my sad sob-story of "oh poor me, I can't do it." But God is chastening me every day! He reminds me all the time that I need HIS help. There are things I simply CAN NOT do alone; which drives me CRAZY!!! It's frustrating to not feel in control, but pride is a powerful tool of the adversary and I know that once I can learn to give control to God that I will have more peace and more happiness. He also reminds me, "hey, Brent, do you feel burdened when someone comes to you and asks you for help and do you feel like 'ugh, another sob story from so-and-so' when they come to you for advice or comfort? No? Well, then why in the world do you feel like everyone else feels that way about you?" Good point, Heavenly Father, good point. I still don't know why I do that. But friends and family, have patience with me. I'm stubborn, prideful, and terrible with asking for help, but I'm working on it! I love you, all of you and I thank you for making my life a little less lonely. :)